C C Z H

It’s been weeks since I’ve last lay down on my bed on a weekday afternoon, and upon turning my head, my gaze rested upon my trusty laptop. It stood atop my desk, screen raised. It was an invitation to write, and it’s an invitation I accept with alacrity. I’ll try my very best, despite my fatigue, to provide you all with an adumbration of the past week, albeit one lacking in circumlocutions, which require a sharper mind.

To put it simply, the past week was a strange one. It started well, almost burning with positivity, but the fire was quickly extinguished, leaving only ashes by week’s end. It all culminated in an a conflict, one in which I’ll never be free of compunction. I had a wonderful Good Friday, filled with laughter and boisterous carousing. Friendships were forged and strengthened, while some bridges were unapologetically burnt. Following a weekend of unintentional procrastination, the school week started strongly, both in the academic sense and otherwise. Alas, it all went downhill from thereon.

On a more reflective note, I believe I’ve discovered my anathema: people who think that and act as if they’re better than others. Specifically, people who take every opportunity to put you down and play themselves up. Their heads are perpetually raised, yet their eyes point downwards, filled with raw condescension. In the past, intense rage would build within me during my interactions with them. However, I’ve learnt through experience the most effective way to deal with these people. And that is to agree with them, to nod and to smile, and to play along with them. Despite my strong feelings towards them, upon closer inspection, I always understand the reasons behind their actions. Once I do, it is impossible not to want to help them change their ways.

Pardon my aggressiveness, for my aim is not to denigrate anyone, and trust me when I say I would never stoop so low. In putting my thoughts into words, I calm myself. Although my aim, to a significant extent, is to give enjoyment to my readers, my eternal belief is that the motivation to write should lie within yourself. I hope to write again soon.

Note: Excessive use of vocabulary for trial purposes only.

CCZH

Whilst taking my customary hour-long shower, I came to a sudden realisation: I’m a deeply unhappy person. Every night before I sleep, I mull over the day’s happenings, more specifically, everything that wasn’t perfect. My heart would palpitate, and my breaths would shorten. My head would spin, dizzy with anger and dissapointment at myself. Why did I say that to her? Why am I hopeless at chemistry? Why didn’t I score that goal? The stress that I put on myself shows. Pimples bursting out from the depths of my cheeks are complemented by my furrowed brows. I’m so often lost in my own thoughts, so busy wallowing in self-hatred that I come off as an ignorant fool. The worst part of it all? I smile. Smile through it all, burying the cold pain with forged happiness. I take myself too seriously, and am unwilling to let go and just be myself. Too caught up with crafting a perfect me, I forgot what life is for in the first place. To live.

But wait, the story hasn’t ended yet, for I made this realisation not today, but last week. I was spilling my sorrows to my old friend when he offered to me this piece of gold, “Chin, in life you win some and you lose some. Why grow old so quickly being a grumpy boy? Take every positive, and use it to light a blazing fire, one which nothing can extinguish. Live life with a smile, love it. And to hell those who say it won’t love you back.” Accustomed to being the one offering advice rather than recieving it, his words caught me off guard. How true they were, how damn bloody true. Although he pulled the last sentence straight from an old blog post of mine, it still struck a raw nerve in me.

Why am I punishing myself by living my days as an unhappy man? I can’t expect myself to be good at everything can I? Yes, the pursuit of perfection is a noble one indeed, but reaching it should not be the only thing that brings me satisfaction. The road towards reaching it, the ongoing act of self-improvement, that should. All the ups and downs that I experience, I should take them as learning points. The downs are not mere unfortunate events, they steer me towards the destination. From that day on, I no longer had sleepless nights. I would lay in bed with a large grin, satisfied and feeling blessed with the day past.

The best part about this? I feel young again. I feel my smile coming back and my face slowly brightening. My conversations no longer start with “Why did I?” but rather “I’m glad I now know!” And as I’m writing this, on the way back home after a long training session, I can honestly say I’ve never felt so free. I’m looking forward to the new day ahead, and all of its blessings and afflictions. No surprises on which of them I’ll be counting is there?

CCZH

Underneath the concrete bridge where we stood, we were sheltered from the pouring rain. My hair was a mess, a slimy mix of water and styling wax. I ran my fingers through my fringe, sending it arcing upwards before it collapsed, forming a cocoon-like structure. The chilling wind was incessant, chilling our soaked bodies to the core. Taking a seat on the roadside curb, I pat the space beside me with my palm as an inviting gesture. Obliging, my partner laid a plastic bag carefully onto the damp stone before taking a seat. What a clean freak – I guess that explains why we’re kindred spirits.

Neither of us pulled out our cellphones, nor did we exchange derogatory jokes. No, we had the simplest of conversations, sharing with one another how our lives have been since the last time we met. And boy, what a conversation it was. Excuse my inability to find a more apt description of my feelings then, but I felt warm despite the unfriendly weather. When you are in the presence of someone whom you feel genuinely cares about you, there’s a certain warmth that emanates from them. You can spend an eternity basking in their radiant light, and you’ll love every second of it.

Make no mistake, I’m a big fan of humor, conversations with me are typically loaded with jokes and satire. There is nothing that makes me happier than bringing a smile to someone’s face, too much of it though, can be exhausting. NASA’s rocket landings, the prettiest girl in school, plans for tomorrow’s lunch, topics like these are commonplace. Meaningful conversations like the one I mentioned above? They are few and far between. After all, not every friend is one you can share everything with, and vice-versa.

I define a true friend as one you can bare your true self to, your flaws, insecurities, problems, failures, all without the fear of judgement. Whilst scouring the internet for quotes in hope of a brilliant idea for a blog post, I came across this.

“You cannot truly love the person you are afraid to lose.”

My first reaction was to forcibly expel air from my nostrils. Hmph. What utter nonsense, I thought. Pardon the cliché, but that night as I lay in bed, it struck me how true this was. Raw honesty is needed for a true friendship, however uncomfortable it might be. How many friends do you have that tell you without hesitation that you’re being selfish, or arrogant? How many friends do you have that you can share your most personal problems with? If you’re afraid of losing someone, you wouldn’t be overly harsh with your criticisms of them, nor would you expose your less-than-perfect side to them. The fear of saying something that would end the relationship, it keeps you from attaining the ultimate level of friendship. In short, you might have fun with them, but it wouldn’t, and never will be, a transparent friendship. Burying secrets and discontent might buy time, but there’s only so much you can bury before they break the surface and reveal themselves.

I apologise for the lower quality of writing this time, but I needed to get this off my chest. My thoughts may be disorganised, but I hope you get the gist of it and appreciate the informality of it all. Words are sacred, and some of them are worth more than others. Those of lower value, like humor and idle talk, might bring laughter. Priceless words of care and concern, for example, bring much more with them. Choose wisely, for the value of your words hinges on your decisions. And the repercussions? You alone shall bear. The question is simple, what do you want to be remembered as? A true, trustworthy friend? Or maybe your wish is simply to be a harbinger of good times and nothing more.

CCZH

Sources: Jamie Varon

Waves rolled gently onto the fine white sand, spraying seawater ever so slightly into the air. Caucasian ladies clad in bikinis lay on their backs, their minimal clothing ensuring maximum absorption of harmful ultraviolet rays. Despite the tranquil surroundings, my mind was not at peace. I received my examination results a week ago, and the days that followed were filled with emotional conflict. The funniest part of my predicament? It has nothing to do with my results. I won’t elaborate on them, but I can safely say that my hard work has been repaid to a satisfactory extent. The problem lay in the uncertain future, or rather, my reluctance to move on from the past.

My four years in secondary school were wonderful, despite my torrid time in primary school being an unfair benchmark to begin with. On hindsight, there were many things I could have done differently in primary school, but I will save that topic for another post. I met all sorts of individuals, all with their own unique personalities. Of course, only some of them are my cup of tea, but what would school life be without a sprinkling of people who are not? Cross-dressing wierdos? Arrogant musicians? Lifeless academics? Hell, one of my best friends has a head the shape of a slice of pizza. These four years have been filled with colour, to say the least. I can put my hand on my heart and say I treasure every friendship forged and every memory made.

What was bothering me then, you may ask. It was the friendships that were simply not to be. I am sure most of you had someone in your life that you thought were the one, but your relationship could not stand the test of time, or the test itself revealed certain incompatibilities that ended it. Similarly, you might have had someone you were dying to be friends with, but the opposite party did not share your enthusiasm.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

CCZH

In essence, friendships are connections, but it is foolish to think of them as a simple line that connects two individuals, for they are far more complicated than that. I like to think of friendships as complex webs, strung together by interactions and kept standing by will. Will, or perhaps more accurately, tolerance, is what keeps friendships from disintegrating. Perhaps I am too young to say for sure, but from my limited experience, I can safely say that there is no such thing as a perfect friend.

I’ve known Linda for eight years now, and she has been with me through thick and thin. She was there when I broke my elbow, tolerating my incessant moaning about the discomfort of my full-arm cast. She was, and still is, the first to drop me a happy birthday message every year, at precisely twelve midnight. Yet, there are times I feel like feeding her long hazel hair through the back of an electric fan. Prepare yourselves for an onslaught of unsavory adjectives. Linda is stingy, clingy, noisy, inappropriate, obnoxious, spoiled, vulgar, careless, dull, ignorant and at times, even smelly. And this is only a sampling, for I could fill an entire dictionary with words like these. Worst still, at the back of my head, I know for a fact that she thinks the same of me. But you know what? We are still best of friends to this day, eight years after we met each other in primary school.

The key, my dear reader, is tolerance, the ability to look past the imperfections of your friends. If I only accepted perfect friends, to put it bluntly, I would have none. I am sure that my friends are as understanding of my weaknesses and limitations as I am of theirs, and this is how we keep our friendship webs from collapsing. So, the next time you are full of complaints about your friend, or angry at one of their particular character traits, remember this: You are not perfect either, and yet your friends accept you. If you bear this in mind, I can bet a pretty penny that you will have happier and more fulfilling friendships.

CCZH