C C Z H

Maybe it was a sudden rush of blood to the head, but in the space of minutes, I found myself abandoning my breakfast and rushing out of the house. Whilst devouring my pancake, one with a big paunch, no less, an advertisement caught my eye. There was a university fair in town, an it called for the attendance of bright prospectus. Now, it’s a little premature to be callling myself a bright prospect, but being the curious soul I am, I felt it was worth a trip. A black tee-shirt and red trousers, accompanied by my monotone glasses, satisfied my innate desire to look academic. And so I was off, seemingly on my way to discover what the future held for me.

My dear friend Ryan was my company during the adventure, but unlike me, he came with a clear purpose in mind. I was a wanderer, drifting through the exhibition hall, gawking at the flashy posters and suave presenters. Ryan, on the other hand, had the aim of a sniper, taking down his targets with speed and precision. He ended his shift with a gargantuan stack of brochures and answered questions. On the other hand, my only takeaway was a pair of sore legs from standing idly. Maybe I could attribute my disorientation to a lack of prior research, but that would be too shallow an analysis. As I left the crowded hall, I took some time to reflect on the past hour over a cup of tea.

The first thing that struck me was the poise and fearlessness of the crowd. The fresh-faced college graduates had an air of confidence surrounding them, actively engaging the exhibitors with questions after questions. That being said, it was rather alarming to see that a significant number of the parents present there were not accompanied by their children. It’s a rather substantial decision to leave in the hands of parents, isn’t it? The fascinating crowd aside, it struck me that even at the age of seventeen, I had no clear plan for the future. Sure, I had a university course in mind, even two, perhaps. What I lacked, then, was an idea of how to get there in the first place.

This brings me to my previous post, in which I promised myself that I would continue to dream big. As I took my penultimate sip of Himalayan Tea, a cruel realisation descended upon me. It wasn’t a lack of required knowledge that left me eager to leave, it was quite simply, a lack of confidence. I was so awed by the elite universities around me, I forgot that it was still within my capacity to be one of their students. I wrote myself off, hid meekly, all based on the misguided notion that I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t of a similar caliber to the brilliant, sparkling individuals around me. A sigh escaped from my lips, and I sunk into my chair, ashamed of myself. I pledged to dream bravely, yet I was shying away like a coward.

With newfound drive, I rose from my chair with a triumphant roar, only to scuttle away silently, with the eyes of befuddled diners trained firmly on my back. I strode into the exhibition hall with my chest puffed out – only slightly, so as not to appear overly conceited. And boy did I ask questions. I ran around with glee, seeking my future and crafting new plans with my newfound cognizance. Destiny, they say, is forged by action and not fate. The threads of my destiny, I’ll spin them myself. Never again will I be limited by my own fallacious expectations. The stars are in the heavens waiting to be touched, and the assembly of my rocket ship? It begins today.

CCZH