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Regret

Regrets are such funny things. I like to think of them as little monsters whose mere existence is a manifestation of our past decisions. “Don’t cry over spilt milk” is a common enough saying, urging us to let go of the past, as what’s done cannot be reversed. It’s funny how some people think that spilt milk can be so easily let go of.

I have a few of these monsters living in my heart. Some of them so old that they’re comatose, and some young ones who are still tearing at raw flesh. It’s the young ones that hurt me the most. So youthful and full of energy, the damage they do comes in short bursts, but the white agony that they dish out, ha, those wounds take a long time to heal.

As mentioned, these monsters aren’t immortal, even they succumb to the test of time. As they grow older they become weaker, and the wounds that they inflicted during their glory days, those have long healed over too. What was once red and tender flesh is now black and hard as stone, as most scars are.

This cycle repeats itself, until one day where these little monsters can no longer find anymore raw flesh, only lifeless scar tissue. Hopefully that time will never come; who wants a life with many regrets anyway; but if it were to happen, I would long have become immune to regrets. Like a turtle within its shell, no part of me would be susceptible to damage ever again. No more pain, no more feelings, no more emotions vulnerable to these damned little monsters.

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Magic

My hands were itchy. My heart was thirsty. Thirsty for the knowledge of the ancients. Every flick and every twist, every feint and every sleight, all premeditated and executed to absolute perfection. The magic is in what’s unseen, says the grand master. Oh how proud I was to be in the secret circle, next in line to harness the power, to weave the magic. Alas, in the quest for greatness one often forgets what’s more important than the destination. I could sense the discontent in the hallowed classroom. Sighs of contempt, looks of disappointment, but I was blind to them.

(100 WORD CHALLENGE)

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Fame

The lights were bright, stinging really. The reverberation within the enclosed room was unbearable. My inner ear throbbed, seemingly in sync with the rhythm of the crazed crowd. The irritation within me steadily grew into a deep resentment. Wasn’t this what I always wanted? The cheers of strangers, the approval of millions, all of them chanting my name. No. This was what I was raised for. This is what I worked for. This is what I was made for. I finally made it, so why do I feel so empty? The loneliness up here on the grandest stage, it’s maddening.

(100 WORD CHALLENGE)

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Mask

Every morning I put on a mask, a smile plastered on like paint on glass. It obscures the cold truth, allowing me to stay aloof. But this paint can’t be washed off cleanly, a thin layer of colour would still cling on stubbornly. Layer by layer the coating grows, as the thickening shows. My heart feels the ache, for fear one day this coating would become opaque. I would struggle to remove the taint, fingernails scraping fruitlessly at the rock hard paint. But still I would have a radiant smile, a radiant smile that would last for quite a while.

(100 WORD CHALLENGE)

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Hourglass

I would like to believe that we are all born with an hourglass within us, and the sand within it starts to trickle down the moment we emerge into this universe. Every one of us has a different amount of sand in our hourglasses, and eventually, when the last grain of sand joins its fallen comrades at the bottom of the hourglass, our time is up and we go to a better place. I don’t know how much sand I have left in my hourglass, it may be a mountain or I may be down to my last handful! And it is what I do with this sand that will define whether my life was one well lived.

Inevitably, the mountains of sand in my hourglass would be reduced to a tiny mound. By that time, even if my spirit is strong, the shell which protects it from the elements would already be worn out; cracks from illnesses, holes from words that pierce and pale from the exhaustion of life. I picture myself sitting on a porch, the stars above me twinkling cheekily and the frigid night wind tussling my bone-white strands of hair. I would know deep inside that I would not see many more nights, perhaps fewer than the amount of fingers I have on my hands. But yet I would smile, beaming, almost glowing with satisfaction, for I know I have lived a life with no regrets. To leave this world knowing that I have used every last grain of my sand to its fullest. That would be the greatest achievement.

(EXTRACT FROM MY COMMONWEALTH ESSAY 2015)

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Stories

It was a cool and somewhat tranquil Saturday evening, and I was in a rather sombre mood. Many people tell me I’m too young to be a grumpy old man, but feelings like this – you can’t erase like a chalkboard. I’ll let you in on a secret – when I’m in a bad mood I like to drink Perrier Lemon. I’m obviously underage to consume any sort of alcohol, so the bitter taste of Perrier Lemon is an ideal substitute to keep my mind off troubles. Call me lame – whatever.

I took a train to Chinese Garden, with my choice of “poison” rather exuberantly stowed in an ice bag. I like dressing up – don’t get me wrong – but I was careful not to overdress. I heard Park Dwellers are an extremely judgemental species. In my sky-blue tee and rather floppy jogging shorts, I strode excitedly into the gardens. I was eager for some silent self-reflection. It was a relatively quiet day, the Park Dweller population seemed to have emigrated. I found myself a clean wooden bench under the shade of a tree – which arced majestically downwards, its leaves rustling in the aromatic evening air. Yes, even air has its distinct characteristics.

The bench overlooked the central lake, but not the sun. I deliberately chose a bench facing away from the sunset. However beautiful, the piercing rays of the sun were an unwelcome distraction – a mildly painful one. I sat there, staring at the rippling orange water – for what seemed like hours. I thought about life, my studies, my friends, my family.

It’s laughable really, how hard each of us tries to make our mark in this world. We study so hard, we frantically build our relationship bridges, we endure sleepless nights deliberating on our imperfections. All for what? When our day comes, we’ll fade away. However memorable our lives, we’ll all turn into stories. Stories that live in the minds of our loved ones. Stories that could bring a smile to a face or lead to a torrent of tears. Stories that could bring songs of praise or choirs of resentment. Stories that would inevitably fall to the test of time, fading away into the great library of forgotten history, locked away by the guardsmen of space and time. So what is the meaning of life?

This is the meaning of life. We are the authors of this great story. It matters not how many people get to read it, or how long this story is passed down. We write this story for ourselves, with the ink of life. One day the ink would run dry and the final chapter to our story would be written and signed. But till then, the ink can be used to write countless adventures, tales of joy, sorrow, anger, danger, love. Tales that would fill the pages of the book of life. We don’t have anything to prove at all! We share this book with those around us, and we can use our ink to write in the books of others. The ink in our books and the stories that they tell, they’re not just our own! Countless others have spilled their ink in our books, their stories and ours entwine, creating new chapters. It’s beautiful. That’s what life is for, for us to not only fill our own books but the books of others too! And when the time comes, we’ll pass down our books, hopeful that the tales of the old would serve as a guide to young blood, to aid them as they start writing their own books. It all comes full circle. It’s a cycle, a beautiful one, and all of us have our part to play in it.

Satisfied that I had done my fair share of thinking, I checked my watch – and promptly let out a shrill of distress. It was a quarter past ten. Getting off the bench. I rushed back home to the sight of my rather irritated family members gathered in the living room. I placed my bag on the table and went to take a shower – and was interrupted my a rather alarming shattering noise followed by a rather familiar name being shouted repeatedly. Wrapping myself with a towel, I rushed out to see my ice bag lying open on the floor – and a smashed-up bottle of Perrier Lemon lying cheekily in the middle of a puddle of water.

Damn. I forgot to drink my “poison”.

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Sanctuary

The sky was pitch black, much like the water that made up the sterile oceans. Three suns hung overhead, each glowing a different hue, bathing the land with their intense rays. The soil that made up most of the land was a ghostly white, unable to provide sustenance to any form of life. The surface seemed scarred, ravaged by thousand-year storms that ripped across the surface, depositing stones that have travelled with the currents for eons. In the centre of this barren wasteland, like a beacon of hope, stood a towering mountain. Within the mountain lay the last surviving artificial structure in this world, the Sanctuary.

The Sanctuary was designed to withstand this harsh environment, to enable its inhabitants to not only survive, but to survive comfortably. One would imagine such a place to be a cold, uncomfortable metal prison that would drive its inhabitants to insanity through plain isolation. However, the Sanctuary was anything but. Within the hard stone lay a marble paradise, filled with architecture of the ancients and the innovations of the current, all existing in perfect harmony. Generations of the Far’rer people lived together in relative prosperity, for as long as records existed.

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