“It wasn’t them, it never was. In his eyes I could see exhaustion, for years of lying to himself had taken its toll. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, for I couldn’t face him any longer. The truth hurt, but the worst part? Never was I going to be able to run away from him. Then I turned, and ran away from the mirror on the wall.”
CCZH
Some feelings cannot be stowed away
Like a fire they blaze
Blaze
But never see the light of day
—
On the steps where the pair would lay
They open up
Up
Yet deep down their secrets decay
—
The walls have ears or so they were told
Do not let it out
Out
For knives will come back twofold
—
As time passed their love withered
For it was taboo
Taboo
And hence never considered
CCZH
One step forward, one step back. Two steps forward, two steps back. It was a painfully tedious dance, for the passion, red and hot, had long cooled. The two empty shells circled the dancefloor, moving flawlessly, but they drew no applause. Their excecution was perfect, but like a candle without a flame, something was missing. Muscles bulged and bodies arced, but the two pairs of eyes? Lifeless. Their eyes met but no sparks emerged, their bodies met but no warmth evolved. Slowly but surely the audience left, for the dancers suffering was a mirror of theirs. Let them dance, one said, they can lie to themselves, but not us.
(EXPERIMENTAL WRITING)
CCZH
“Life has a beautiful, crazy design.”
The sight before me was pleasantly familiar, for the same scenery had greeted me just a little over a year earlier. Dramatic stone cliffs dotted with precariously positioned bushes met the emerald lake at an almost perpendicular angle. Being so used to the concrete jungle on the mainland, this majestic sight seemed slightly surreal. Palau Ubin does have its sweet spots. My classmates were seated with me, our bottoms cushioned by wild, scraggly grass. Their endless, but welcome chatter surrounded me, but I was strangely silent.
I took a second to zone out from my surroundings, to let everything fade into the background. Closing my eyes, all I could hear was the soft breeze whispering its secrets into my ears. I am aware that there is more to life than examinations, but having been released from its vice-like grip on my time, I value highly the time afforded to me to let time just past me by. The rat race of the past month has given way to a sensual saunter. The effect of this is profound, as I now have the time to truly appreciate life and view it from an alternate perspective.
We often find ourselves frustrated with life, be it relationship complications or difficulties in studies, life often finds a way to hurl an obstacle at us at every corner. And due to this constant dissatisfaction, we tend to neglect the positives, letting even the littlest of negatives overshadow them. I say ashamedly that I too wallow in the ponds of sorrow far more than I swim in the oceans of happiness. I would pick out the smallest of issues in a largely perfect day and label it a failure in its entirety. Instead of being content with what I have achieved, I dwell in the disappointment of what could have been.
Opening my eyes, I was greeted by a pair of inquisitive eyes.
“Wah, very quiet ah Chin!”, said the proud owner of those piercing eyes.
Unable to contain my joy, a beaming smile spread across my face. At that precise moment, I realised what a blessed man I was. I am blessed to be able to call these people seated around me, and indeed many others, true friends. I am blessed to have family members that love me unconditionally, who support me regardless of my decisions, and who are more than willing to guide me through the maze of life. I am blessed with the gift of education, to be able to fill my mind with knowledge that will enable me to make my mark on this world. And above all, I am blessed with the gift of life itself, to experience this wonderful universe from my little perspective.
All my sorrows seemed so miniscule beside these blessings, and by comparing them I had learnt a priceless lesson. Love life and it will love you back.
“Wah, Chin, what the hell are you smiling at?”, this time in a more worried tone.
I looked into his eyes and proudly proclaimed, “Everything.”
CCZH
I woke up in a puddle of cold sweat, rolling over hastily to check my alarm clock. The dull LCD screen proudly displayed in dull, red numbers that it was half past nine. A wave of panic surged through me, my fingernails digging into the soft linen. What subject is the next paper on? How much content do I have left to cover? Then, as quickly as the panic attack started, the heavens parted and the light of realisation struck me like a rainbow would a pot of gold. I was a free man.
I somehow found the determination, with all credit going to my bladder, to get out of bed. I staggered to the toilet, each footstep thudding loudly against the smooth marble floor. My internal autopilot was able to handle the back and forth motion of teeth brushing with relative ease, with only a small dollop of toothpaste foam landing on my belly button. Every strand of my hair seemed to be trying to escape my scalp, each standing on end, forming what seemed like an inadequate afro. As I had learned from past experience, a handful of tap water does wonders in extinguishing their escapist tendencies.
Following an underwhelming breakfast which consisted of a cup of Milo and a dry biscuit, I plopped my bottom down on my study room chair. My stomach was groaning, seemingly dissatisfied at my poor attempt at pleasing its hunger. Trust me, if I was half of a cook as I am a sleepyhead, I would make sure the vast mother lode of ingredients in my kitchen would not go to waste. Remind me to place a poached egg benedict and a triple diffused blueberry-saffron tea at the top of my to-cook list once I learn how to cook more than a pack of instant noodles.
As I searched relentlessly albeit fruitlessly for a television channel that was even mildly interesting, the date on the menu caught my eye. It was the sixteenth of November. Three months of glorious holidays lay ahead of me, but my emotions were mixed. Three days into three months and the thrill of freedom had already begun to fade. Here’s to a better tomorrow, hopefully one that starts with a poached egg benedict and a triple diffused blueberry-saffron tea for breakfast.
CCZH
It has been a while since I wrote, O-Levels sure take away a large chunk of your time, don’t they? The examination I have dreaded for as long as I can remember is finally drawing to a close and freedom beckons, its silvery doorway already in sight. Almost two weeks have passed since the beginning of this battle, and what a ride it has been. From being paralysed with anxiety during the English papers to wondering what in the heavens was going on during the Additional Mathematics papers, this fatigued warrior is yearning for a break.
To say I’m exhausted would be an understatement, but then again, national examinations are a rite of passage aren’t they? Every Singaporean teenager gets a sip from the chalice of pressure and a bite off the bread of suffering. However, it really depends on how much we choose to consume. Some of us overeat and crumble under the immense pressure, while some of us starve ourselves and leave the war empty-handed. Emotions run raw during this period, and every ounce of it is painfully apparent on our faces. Shivering in fright under a canteen table is commonplace, and so is frequent bowel movement, which I hesitate to elaborate on.
When the time comes we’ll see whether our labour bears fruit. After all, not everyone emerges as champions. Whether we live up to our lofty ambitions or not, life goes on. Time waits for no one, the second hand will always continue to run laps around the clock. That being said, we’re far from the end of the line, in a world full of towering trees, we’re still seedlings, still very much in the race to touch the sky. Life still has many tricks up its sleeves, many challenges to hurl in our direction, this hurdle is only one of countless more to come. No matter the result, we have emerged stronger, braver and more resilient, and I think that that is the greatest reward of all.
CCZH
“We owe it to each other to tell stories.”
C C Z H 